Saturday, 2 August 2014

THE DROWNSMAN - Review By Greg Klymkiw - Canuck Babes slaughtered by maniac ghost @FantasiaFest2014

As you can clearly see,
perfectly normal receptacles for water
can mean death to babes in The Drownsman.
Sadly, none of the babes is sucked into a toilet.
The Drownsman (2014)
Dir. Chad Archibald
Script. Archibald & Cody Calahan
Starring: Michelle Mylett, Caroline Korycki, Gemma Bird Matheson, Sydney Kondruss, Clare Bastable, Ry Barrett, JoAnn Nordstrom, Breanne TeBoekhorst

Review By Greg Klymkiw

This kinder, gentler, stupider Canadian horror film features a psycho killer who has no interest in slashing his babe victims. His more interested in drowning them.

Like the old "Red Rose Tea" slogan used to go: "Only in Canada, you say? A pity."

Or not.

In the space of about 15 minutes, The Drownsman takes us through a couple of decades of activity. We begin with the title psycho attempting to drown a babe until she begs to be raped in order to grab a few spare minutes of life. When the nasty fellow climaxes, she manages to turn the tables and drown him instead. About 20-years later, we're at a party in cottage country and the hostess (Caroline Korycki) asks her BFF (Michelle Mylett) to be Maid of Honour at her impending nuptials.

When the bride-to-be skitters off to take a slash, her BFF stumbles into the cold, Canadian water whereupon she meets the title character - only now, he's a rotting-corpse-ghost. Luckily, she's rescued in time by her gal friends.

THEN, a year later, she's been so traumatized by her scare, she misses her pal's wedding and soon, all her girlfriends who try to cure her of her basket case hydrophobia, end up being victims of the waterlogged ghost with the drowning fetish. He politely, being Canadian, you see, sucks them down whatever drain pipe is convenient so he can drown them.

Are you laughing yet? You should be, but alas, none of this is done with even a smidgen of humour and finds itself bereft of brain. There's a certain competence and technical proficiency to the whole affair, but this does not a good horror movie make.

And you know, isn't it egregious when you deliver a no-to-low-budget horror movie replete with babes and none of them are naked - or hell, even attired more aggressively in their undies? Oh, and get this nadir of stupidity, a psycho ghost who simply desires to drown his victims? Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

You know, call me jaded, but this really doesn't seem like a good idea for a movie.


*½ One-and-a-half-stars.

The Drownsman had its World Premiere at the 2014 edition of the FantAsia International Film Festival in Montreal.