THE LIGHT BETWEEN OCEANS - Review By Greg Klymkiw - Turgid Tedium Rules Romance

The Light Between Oceans (2016)
Dir. Derek Cianfrance
Starring: Michael Fassbender, Alicia Vikander,
Rachel Weisz, Bryan Brown, Jack Thompson

Review By Greg Klymkiw

Early into this historical romance, the two lovers-to-be (Michael Fassbender, Alicia Vikander) go for an extra-long picnic, walking and talking ad nauseum through hilly, seemingly treeless and wide-open Aussie wilderness until, settling several hours later on a cliff overlooking a gorgeous sunset on the ocean, they kiss and profess their love for each other. As Alexandre Desplat's ludicrously lush score throbs over cinematographer Adam Arkapaw's dull picture-postcard images, all I could think about was when, where and for how long did our lovebirds relieve themselves of waste matter. Worse yet, I wondered about how the two deposited heavier loads with no apparent evidence of toilet paper.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the last thing one should be thinking about in any romance are bowel movements, but think about them, I did - long and hard. And as the film plodded along, I thought about my own need to relieve myself. Thank heaven for tender mercies.

The Light Between Oceans had plenty of potential to be a weepy in the 40s Warner Bros. tradition, but alas it suffers from a horrendously miscast leading lady and worse yet, plods along to a relatively safe denouement.

Fassbender and Vikander play a newly married couple living an Eden-like existence on a remote island - its only practical reason for being is to provide a lighthouse to guide ships from its rocky shores and towards the safe harbours about 100 miles away. We watch them boink like minks, but their attempts to generate progeny result in not one, but two - count 'em - still births. Vikander takes it especially badly. When a small boat washes ashore with a dead man and a living, breathing newborn baby, she petulantly, selfishly insists that Fassbender bury the evidence of the obviously real Daddy and keep the child for themselves.

For what seems like several hours of running time, we watch our couple raise the child as if it were their own. Alas, back on shore, there is the baby's real grieving mother. Rachel Weisz suffers quite magnificently in this role - so much so that occasional sojourns to the mainland by our baby-napping couple inspire Fassbender's guilt to overwhelm him.

Needless to say, things will probably not turn out too well. Unfortunately, instead of some really unbearable suffering, we're dealt the unkindest cut of all, a relatively happy ending tinged with bittersweetness. Some of the melodramatic elements in the movie do indeed work in a rudimentary sledgehammer fashion, but neither the screenplay nor the direction take brave enough steps into completely ludicrous tear-wrenching territory - it's all eventually so bloody tasteful.

Under the circumstances, Fassbender and Weisz acquit themselves nicely and it's great seeing Aussie stalwarts like Bryan Brown and Jack Thompson in top form, but the ubiquitous Alicia Vikander pretty much upends the whole picture. She seldom wipes the dimple-inducing smile from her face and even when she expresses sadness or desperation, there's more giddiness in her visage than anything remotely real or harrowing. In fact, her dimples become so bothersome, one wants to pave them over with cement. Most embarrassing are her line-readings which seem oddly anachronistic. Ultimately, Vikander galumphs her way through the proceedings with such misplaced intensity that the movie galumphs alongside her.

THE FILM CORNER RATING: **

The Light Between Oceans opened the 2016 Venice Film Festival and is now in wide release via Disney.

THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES - Review By Greg Klymkiw - Bad writing undermines "Blue Valentine" helmer Derek Cianfrance's sprawling, stillborn and ludicrously overrated crime melodrama.

Who else is getting sick to the point of vomiting with these criminals  played ever-so sensitively by the decidedly un-manly Ryan Gosling? The movies desperately need a new John Garfield to take roles like this. A REAL MAN!!!

The Place Beyond The Pines (2013) **
Dir. Derek Cianfrance
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes, Ray Liotta, Rose Byrne, Bruce Greenwood, Harris Yulin

Review By Greg Klymkiw

I hate going to the movies to watch television, but at a certain point during The Place Beyond The Pines this mantra-like complaint of mine kept rearing its ugly head. The pat, plodding and annoyingly resolute writing never stopped reminding me of all the things I detest about small screen HBO-styled series (or worse, soap operas). The sprawling, pseudo-novelistic approach to drama, designed to keep you hooked and watching week after week, month after month, season after season is not objectionable as such, but when the seams are sloppily visible to the detriment of the drama, I personally have so little patience for this that my first impulse is to blow a gasket.

In light of this, the best that can be said about Derek Cianfrance's movie is that - in spite of the typical aforementioned small-screen failings - the whole affair is over and done with in 140 minutes.

His haunting, harrowing drama Blue Valentine delved into the well-trodden territory of failed relationships, but his direction (and the great writing) always kept the movie compellingly original and heartbreaking. The Place Beyond The Pines is, however, a pallid crime melodrama that plods clumsily and with bothersome familiarity into "sins of the father" territory - a predictable genre, to be sure, but one that usually benefits when blessed with first-rate style, execution and an original approach. Alas, this one doesn't cut the mustard - not a result of Cianfrance's steady direction and a clutch of decent performances (Eva Mendes, Bradley Cooper, Harris Yulin, Bruce Greenwood), but because finally the film is undercut by the screenplay he co-wrote. The writing is full of obvious clues as to where the tale is going, especially since the form of the tale was spoiled for me by a brief glance at some puff piece that assaulted my eyeballs on the net.

I hate going to the movies knowing anything about what I'm going to see. Regular readers know I never watch trailers, read reviews and/or puff pieces before I see movies. I leave any such "research" to after I see a picture.

However, knowing the form Cianfrance chooses does ruin the experience of seeing the movie. After the fact, I eventually read far too many reviews that boneheadedly revealed the form - not necessarily unique as it's been used by many dramatic mediums since the beginning of time - but as far as I'm concerned, revealing it in advance is a spoiler.

The question here is this: Is it the movie's fault that I opened my browser and an idiot puff piece had the word describing the form in its headline? Short answer: Yes. The script is not much good anyway. All the causes, actions and effects are presented, wrapped up and paid off in dull, predictable ways because the tale's trajectory is obvious about ten minutes into the movie. In fairness, I might have not seen the whole movie coming if I hadn't been tipped off to the form in advance, but I can genuinely say I'd have figured out both the form and narrative by the end of the film's first act.

There's a smidgen of a good movie buried here. In a nutshell, carnival stunt man Ryan Gosling reconnects with Eva Mendes, a former gal-in-every-town fling. Wanting to rekindle their romance and be a good Dad to the kid he sired and left behind, he goes on a spree of bank robberies to amass the dough he thinks he needs to do this. His chief adversary is Bradley Cooper, a cop from the right side of the tracks who had every advantage life could offer - including a wealthy family, a law degree and a passion for police work. When their paths cross, the results affect everyone in ways least expected (though I had them nailed). The sons of bank robber and cop cross paths, leading to a friendship that seems doomed from the start.

On the surface, it's a slender narrative that allows a lot of potential to drape several layers upon it. Alas, the layers applied feel like the worst cliches imaginable and worse, are completely and utterly predictable. Its melodramatic aspects are clear throughout. I never have a problem with melodrama, however. I do respond negatively to bad melodrama which, this movie definitely is chockfull of. Narratively, the movie does offer up a decent first act, a calamitously familiar second act and a completely messy, botched final act.

Once again, it's yet another movie eliciting wild acclaim from people who should know better.

I can only scratch my head and hope the next film from Cianfrance has better writing and that the wild enthusiasm for this mediocre picture gives him an opportunity to genuinely knock all of us on our collective butts with a project worthy of what he's normally got the stuff to truly deliver..

Until then, file The Place Beyond The Fines under stillborn, half-baked and overrated.

"The Place Beyond The Pines" is in theatrical distribution via E-One.

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THE PLACE BEYOND THE PINES - TIFF 2012 - Review By Greg Klymkiw

Who else is getting sick to the point of vomiting with these criminals  played ever-so sensitively by the decidedly un-manly Ryan Gosling? The movies desperately need a new John Garfield to take roles like this. A REAL MAN!!!

The Place Beyond The Pines (2013) **
Dir. Derek Cianfrance
Starring: Ryan Gosling, Bradley Cooper, Eva Mendes, Ray Liotta, Rose Byrne, Bruce Greenwood, Harris Yulin

Review By Greg Klymkiw

I hate going to the movies to watch television, but at a certain point during The Place Beyond The Pines this mantra-like complaint of mine kept rearing its ugly head. The pat, plodding and annoyingly resolute writing never stopped reminding me of all the things I detest about small screen HBO-styled series (or worse, soap operas). The sprawling, pseudo-novelistic approach to drama, designed to keep you hooked and watching week after week, month after month, season after season is not objectionable as such, but when the seams are sloppily visible to the detriment of the drama, I personally have so little patience for this that my first impulse is to blow a gasket.

In light of this, the best that can be said about Derek Cianfrance's movie is that - in spite of the typical aforementioned small-screen failings - the whole affair is over and done with in 140 minutes.

His haunting, harrowing drama Blue Valentine delved into the well-trodden territory of failed relationships, but his direction (and the great writing) always kept the movie compellingly original and heartbreaking. The Place Beyond The Pines is, however, a pallid crime melodrama that plods clumsily and with bothersome familiarity into "sins of the father" territory - a predictable genre, to be sure, but one that usually benefits when blessed with first-rate style, execution and an original approach. Alas, this one doesn't cut the mustard - not a result of Cianfrance's steady direction and a clutch of decent performances (Eva Mendes, Bradley Cooper, Harris Yulin, Bruce Greenwood), but because finally the film is undercut by the screenplay he co-wrote. The writing is full of obvious clues as to where the tale is going, especially since the form of the tale was spoiled for me by a brief glance at some puff piece that assaulted my eyeballs on the net.

I hate going to the movies knowing anything about what I'm going to see. Regular readers know I never watch trailers, read reviews and/or puff pieces before I see movies. I leave any such "research" to after I see a picture.

However, knowing the form Cianfrance chooses does ruin the experience of seeing the movie. After the fact, I eventually read far too many reviews that boneheadedly revealed the form - not necessarily unique as it's been used by many dramatic mediums since the beginning of time - but as far as I'm concerned, revealing it in advance is a spoiler.

The question here is this: Is it the movie's fault that I opened my browser and an idiot puff piece had the word describing the form in its headline? Short answer: Yes. The script is not much good anyway. All the causes, actions and effects are presented, wrapped up and paid off in dull, predictable ways because the tale's trajectory is obvious about ten minutes into the movie. In fairness, I might have not seen the whole movie coming if I hadn't been tipped off to the form in advance, but I can genuinely say I'd have figured out both the form and narrative by the end of the film's first act.

There's a smidgen of a good movie buried here. In a nutshell, carnival stunt man Ryan Gosling reconnects with Eva Mendes, a former gal-in-every-town fling. Wanting to rekindle their romance and be a good Dad to the kid he sired and left behind, he goes on a spree of bank robberies to amass the dough he thinks he needs to do this. His chief adversary is Bradley Cooper, a cop from the right side of the tracks who had every advantage life could offer - including a wealthy family, a law degree and a passion for police work. When their paths cross, the results affect everyone in ways least expected (though I had them nailed). The sons of bank robber and cop cross paths, leading to a friendship that seems doomed from the start.

On the surface, it's a slender narrative that allows a lot of potential to drape several layers upon it. Alas, the layers applied feel like the worst cliches imaginable and worse, are completely and utterly predictable. Its melodramatic aspects are clear throughout. I never have a problem with melodrama, however. I do respond negatively to bad melodrama which, this movie definitely is chockfull of. Narratively, the movie does offer up a decent first act, a calamitously familiar second act and a completely messy, botched final act.

Once again, it's yet another movie eliciting wild acclaim from people who should know better.

I can only scratch my head and hope the next film from Cianfrance has better writing and that the wild enthusiasm for this mediocre picture gives him an opportunity to genuinely knock all of us on our collective butts with a project worthy of what he's normally got the stuff to truly deliver..

Until then, file The Place Beyond The Fines under stillborn, half-baked and overrated.

"The Place Beyond The Pines" from E-One premieres at TIFF 2012.

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